Breathe Into Me
by okaiskio
Summary: "My entire life had been flipped upside down and turned into ruins like broken glass" After the death of his mother, Roxas moves to a new town. What happens when Roxas is thrown into a tangled web of love involving Zexion, Demyx and Axel? Will Axel and Roxas fall in love or will Axel run from the commitment? Rated Mature for drugs, sex, alcohol and more things that you should do.
1. New Beginnings

**A note from Kai:** Hey you guys! This is my first Fanfiction on this account. I have written them before, but I stopped uploading on my old account and then forgot the log in information to both the account and the email connected to the account so I'm starting over. Here's my new beginning! In this fanfiction there will be several time jumps to catch you up to the present. The first few chapters are based in the past so you have a background of Roxas's life. The main pairing is AkuRoku – we just haven't gotten to that just yet. There will be Lemons in future chapters. I hope you enjoy reading this!

**Pairings mentioned in some way in this chapter –** Axel and Demyx; Olette and Pence; Namine and Marluxia; Axel and Roxas

**Disclaimer –** I do not own anything other than the idea, plot, and story line for this fanfiction.

**Breathe Into Me Chapter One - New Beginnings**

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><p>Three years. It had been three years since my mother died and now here I was standing alone at my father's grave in the rain with a tear stained face. My entire life had been flipped upside down and turned into ruins like broken glass. Everything was gone; they were gone and he had left me. My darling Axel…<p>

**Three Years Earlier**

A knock at the door caused me to look up from my desk where I had been sketching and stare blankly at the wooden rectangle. "Roxas, dinner is ready." A soft musical voice said from the other side causing my lips to curl into a smile. "I'll be down in a second, mom." I reply, closing my sketchbook as the sound of retreating footsteps echoes in the air. My father considered me a 'problem child' with my constant partying and the many girlfriends I was bringing into the house. My mother though… she supported me through it all. She was always saying that I was just trying to find myself which, in a way, was true.

I slid on a black tank top to cover my bare chest before walking out the offending rectangle and down a flight of marble stairs making my way into the dining room where I was greeted by my mother's warm smile and my father's insure gaze. We always ate dinner together even if we were at the point of wanting to fight all of our problems out. I took my seat across from my mother and to my father's right before picking up my fork to inspect the pasta that my father had made. "Roxas," My mother spoke, pausing until I looked up at her. "Are you going out tonight, honey?" She asks with concern etched into her pale blue eyes. I hesitate before I shake my head and reply, "No, I'm staying home tonight; I have a paper to finish for my history class." School… I might only be a junior in high school but I received about as much work as a literature major in college with my advanced classes. A sigh of relief was heard from my father and I felt myself stiffen as he places a hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Rox." Staring at him with wide eyes I simply give him a sheepish smile. My father was never affectionate.

The following three weeks were a wonder; I was able to stay party free and bond with my father like I had always dreamed of doing. But, the Monday of the fourth week there was an accident. My mother and I had just pulled into the east wing parking lot of my school when a Ford Pickup truck slammed into our smaller Lexus on the driver's side instantly killing the beautiful woman I once called 'Mom'.

**- Three Months Later -**

After finally being cleared by my doctor to move to another city my father began packing. Neither one of us wanted to remain living in the same house she had been in. I frown as I begin my terribly long process of packing away all of the belongings I wanted to keep and tossing the ones I didn't. My father and I had agreed that moving to Twilight Town and away from Destiny Island would be good for the both of us. Maybe once we were gone we'd be able to heal… "Rox!" My father's voice came from downstairs, making me sigh and stand from my place on the floor in my room. "Comin'." I call, stepping into the hallway of our home. As I descend the stairs the smell of pizza fills the air causing my pace to pick up. My dad smirks in my direction when he sees me and he motions to the large box on the table. "Are you hungry?"

The next day we were settling into our new home – which was a lot smaller than the previous one. Twilight Town was small… but it was surprisingly cozy. After I had finished unpacking I found myself reaching for my old skateboard and walking outside. Dad had left to meet up with an old friend and although he had offered to take me I chose to stay home. Boarding sounds really good to me right now… It was something I had been had the time to do since the year before mom… I sigh, jumping up onto the black and white skateboard. Pushing off with my left foot I begin to roll though the neighborhood. After a few moments I lift my hands up and gaze down at the many scars that covered from the palm of my hand to nearly my elbow. When I was released from the hospital I tried many different means of channeling my depression: writing, talking, music, cutting, sex, drug, even alcohol. In the end I decided that burning and cutting were the most efficient. Ultimately, I knew I should have started, but now I was hooked.

While my thoughts were busy wandering my body was moving and before I knew it I was standing face to… chest with a blonde named Demyx laughing like we were old friends. "So, you just moved here, huh?" He asks me with a huge grin plastered on his face. I nod as a reply, focusing more on trying to balance on my board so I didn't end up face first on the concrete. "Well then, Roxas, why don't you come to my party tomorrow night? I could introduce you to everyone I hang out with." He says, not bothering to hide the excitement in his eyes. I stand there; longing and need clashing with each other in a deadly battle to the end. "Alright; where is it?" Demyx smiles brightly as he digs into the front left pocket of my jeans to pull out my phone, leaving me speechless. "I'll pick you up so just text me your address later!" He says while punching in what I would guess to be his cell phone number into my phone. Demyx hands my phone back to me and waves before he turns and walks off in the opposite direction. I knew my dad was going to be very upset with me now that I've gone back to attending parties… but part of me really didn't care anymore. Tomorrow was bound to be one hell of a day.

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><p>My phone begins to buzz, waking me from a dead sleep.<em> 'Ah… my head hurts. What time is it…?'<em> Idly I glance at my clock, taking a moment to stare at the red numbers that gazed back. With a sigh I flip my phone into my hands and slide the sleek black device to reveal a white keyboard. At some point last night I had sent Demyx a text with my address and had fallen asleep after giving myself fresh scars. I frown as I scroll through several messages.  
>"Rox! Dude! How r u?" – Demyx; received at 8:42am<br>Next. "U still asleep?" – Demyx; received at 12:01pm  
>Next. "Roxas~ Stop ignoring m3!" – Demyx; received at 3:26pm<br>Next. "Thts it dude. Im com'n over." – Demyx; received at 5:53pm  
>My eyes dart back to the clock, panics kicking in full force as the numbers come into focus: 6:01pm. Turning back to my phone I quickly type in, "Sorry, Dem. Come on over." I tap the send button and scramble, flipping out of my bed and rushing to the closet to try and get dressed before the blonde arrived. By the time the doorbell sounded I had been able to throw on a pair of black skinny jeans, checkerboard Vans, a tight white t-shirt, and a black and white checkerboard belt. I had also managed to toss on a thin layer of black eyeliner to make my blue eyes stand out and strap my favorite chain wallet to my pants. Pleased with my appearance I waltz to the front door and throw it open with a grin. Demyx's eyes travel up and down my body and he lets out a small whistle of approval. "You look amazing, Roxas." He says, grinning himself as I take in his light blue jeans and black shirt. My eyes linger on the few chains that hung from his hips and how his shirt clung tightly to his torso. I nod my head to let him know I like how he's dressed before I lock eyes with a slate-haired male. He was a lot different from Demyx… he was darker. "Zexion." The male says, offering a half smile that doesn't quiet reach his one visible eye. Demyx smiles before grabbing my hand and literally dragging me to the smooth deep blue convertible he had driven here. "I'm so glad you said you'd come, Roxas! I can't wait to introduce you to everyone." The blonde says, waiting for Zexion and me to climb into the car. I ended up in the passenger seat while Zexion took the back to himself. Demyx makes a small noise of excitement as he backs out of the driveway and speeds off in the direction of what I would assume to be his house.<p>

The ride there was silent, the only sound being the hum of the engine. A sigh of relief escapes Zexion's lips before he climbs out of the car and rushes into a house bright with lights and leaking laughter and music. I, too, climb out but I decide to wait on Demyx before even daring to make a move toward the house. Demyx slings his arm over my shoulders and stares at the house blankly. "Roxas… I never thought to ask you this but which way are you?" He asks, unusually serious for once. Once I realize what he was asking I let out a breathy laugh. "Gay." Is all I say before Demyx grins and pulls me into the alcohol reeking house. The first thing I notice is the music; techno mixed with a slight bit of trance. The second thing I notice is how everyone had stopped to stare when the two of us walked inside. And the last thing I noticed was Zexion's awed gazed directed at me and a redhead's glare at both Demyx and I. For the first time in a rather long time I began to wonder what I had gotten myself into.

Curious gazes and drunken smiles consumed the occupants of the room as Demyx pulls me further into the house. "Hey guys! This is my new buddy, Roxas. Make him feel welcome!" He calls, raising his voice over the music. A soft blush makes its way to my cheeks as a few men let out low cat calls and several females surround me, pulling me away from Demyx who was simply grinning away, and into the kitchen which was obviously their source of alcohol. "So, Roxas, do you party often?" A pale girl in a white dress and a jean jacked that only covered half of her torso asks while handing me a drink. I nod, smiling softly at her as I reply, "I used to but it's been a while." At that moment a tan girl with brown hair that seemed to flair out in specific places giggles – completely wasted from alcohol – and leans into my side causing me to wrap my arm cautiously around her waist in fear of her falling. I look over at the pale blonde girl beside me questioningly. "Oh, forgive me! My name is Namine and that's Olette. She's a major flirt and doesn't hold her alcohol very well." We stare at each other silently before we both break out into laughter at Namine's words.

Namine and I walk Olette into the main room and pass her off to her boyfriend, Pence, before we travel to the dining room where a good bit of people were gathered around the big table. "Roxy! Nami!" Demyx's voice calls, silencing the room. Shocked, Namine steps back and I stare at the boy as if I was a deer in headlights. Demyx approaches us and slings his arms around both of our shoulders. He frowns, staring at me intently. "Roxas! Why aren't you drunk yet? AXEL! Get him another drink!" I throw a sheepish smile and a glance at Namine who simply grins as she shrugs and spins out of Demyx's hold to grab another drink and walk to stand next to a tall male with pink hair. "What's going on?" I whisper to Zexion as Demyx shoves me over to the boy. Zexion chuckles and replies with "Spin the bottle. It's a drunken tradition at Dem's parties." I nod, noticing that I could smell the alcohol specifically from Zexion's mouth as he spoke even though I wasn't directly facing him.

A tap on my shoulder make me turn to face a tall, skinny redhead; my own ocean blue eyes locking with emerald green gems. "The name's Axel. Commit it to memory." He says with a smug smirk, handing Roxas a cup filled to the brim with some alcoholic beverage unknown to me. I return his smirk with my own before downing the drink like it was nothing instantly thanking my sinful desires to party. "It's Roxas but I'm sure you already knew that." I reply, staring at his amused expression. He nods and runs his fingers through my hair playfully as he goes to join Demyx on the other side of the table. At Demyx's demand the game begins and through my own drunken haze my eyes don't miss how Axel kept looking my direction, or how Demyx and Zexion's kiss had turned into a make-out session, or how Zexion leaned into me and whispered in my ear, "Axel and Demyx are dating." I also didn't miss when Zexion walked away and when Axel followed him outside. Several minutes after the two had left I found myself very bored of the game so I decide to walk out in the direction the other two males had gone.

Was I surprised when I saw Zexion crying and Axel making no moves to help the other male and only stood off to the side smoking? Sure I was! "Hey, Zexion, are you alright?" I ask, throwing a glare at the tall redhead as I sit next to the tearful boy on the porch stairs. Zexion's shaking figure leans into me and I wrap my arms around him completely forgetting Axel's presence. "No, I am not. Demyx knows I like him – I have for years and yet he's dating Axel and has the nerve to make-out with me. I hate him!" I frown at the slate-haired male's words before looking up at the sky. "You don't hate him, Zexion. You love him. I was in your position my freshman year in Destiny Island with a boy named Tidus so I know what it feels like. Maybe you should talk to him when Axel's not around to find out how Dem really feels?" I instantly stop talking, whipping my head around to look at the redhead how was grinning. 'How could I forget he's here?' Zexion though seemed unaffected by the redhead as he rose to his feet and walked back into the house, leaving me alone in the night with the one I had just mention. I was alone with Axel.


	2. An Unexpected Change

**A note from Kai: Hey again! I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far; I'm working very hard on it! There is a time skip included in here because I just didn't feel like writing out three months worth of school days. Chapter Three is finished and I'll upload it after I get some sleep. It was really hard to write this chapter and take it seriously while I was listening to 'Take Me On The Floor' by The Veronicas.**

**Pairings mentioned in some way in this chapter – Axel and Demyx; Demyx and Zexion; Roxas and Namine; Axel and Roxas**

**Disclaimer – I do not own anything other than the idea, plot, and storyline for this fanfiction.**

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><p>I hesitantly push myself from the cold stairs and turn to face the redhead with a sheepish expression marring my features. "Ah… Axel…" I begin, stopping the words in their tracks as I watch the male pluck his cigarette from his lips and toss the abused item to the ground. A smirk rises to his lips and he roughly presses the toe of his converse covered foot to the burning bud. "Look, kid, I don't know what makes you think you have the right to try and break my boyfriend and I up but," Emerald eyes lock onto my own blue orbs while he pauses and I instantly notice the annoyance and anger fuming behind his carefully monitored expression. I shift nervously, my mind telling me I screwed up big time as he continues, "But you don't have that right. You need to back off, got it? Zexion is a big boy; he can learn to deal with the fact that I was chosen over him." Without another word the redhead turns and walks back into the house, leaving me shivering in the dark. Whether the shiver was from the cool breeze or the anger from the redhead I wasn't sure but I knew I needed to leave before I made the male even more upset.<p>

With a heavy sigh I turn and saunter down the stairs, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jeans as I moved. Not only had I made a possible enemy tonight but I was going to have to deal with my father when I got home; tonight couldn't get any worse, right? As soon as my left foot connects with the concrete I hear a soft voice call out my name. I stop walking, turning to see Zexion rushing to my side. "H-Hey, Roxas, I was wondering if I could crash with you tonight? My dad will kill me if I come home like this…" He mumbles with a soft, friendly smile. I laugh and nod my head, forcing my feet to move again. Of course I had agreed to let him… I understood how parents could be especially if their underage child was drinking and partying. Risking making this walk uncomfortable I speak up, "So, did you get to talk to Demyx?" My voice is low and cautious; my eyes are darting to the other male's face to judge his reaction; my pace slows slightly. When Zexion's expression turns to one of someone in complete awe I allow myself to relax and wait for his response. "Yes, I managed to get to him just before Axel walked in. He accepted my feelings but told me he couldn't just break up with Axel… but I suppose accepting is a good start." Zexion lifts his head and gazes up at the night sky with a slight twinkle in his visible eye.

A sad smile spreads across my quickly chapping lips and I take in a slow, deep breath. 'I'm happy for him… Now if only I could be happy with something as simple as that myself.' After several minutes of walking in silence the two of us step through the threshold of the unlocked front door to my house. It wasn't nearly as late as I had thought so my dad was still awake and wondering through the house cleaning like he's done so many nights since my mother had died. It was his way of keeping her alive I guess… "Hey, dad, I have a friend staying the night. That's okay, right?" I call through the quiet house, closing the door and sliding the locks in place. As my dad calls out a reply of a simple 'yes' I throw Zexion a smirk and lead the way to my bedroom. So far it seems my luck was starting to look up seeing as I wouldn't have to face my dad until the sun rose.

Once safely in the confines of my simple room Zexion collapses on my bed, staring up at my ceiling with a blank expression. I move my weight to rest on my left leg, biting my bottom lip awkwardly like I've done every time I've been nervous over something. Deciding it best to give his new friend some clothes to sleep in, I get to work, rummaging through my dresser and pulling out two pairs of sleep pants and two shirts. "Here, Zexion, these should fit you since we look to be the same size." I say with a smirk, throwing the clothes at the slate haired teenager's face, effectively knocking him from whatever trance he had been in. "Oh! I'm sorry, Roxas. I was completely out of it, wasn't I?" He laughs and after a breath I join him. Minutes later the only sounds in the air were of the two of us panting to catch our breath after our little laughing fit. Soon, Zexion wanders out of my room to change and the rest of the night was filled with smooth laughter and bright smiles.

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><p>Three months later and I've managed to snag myself a girlfriend. I know, I know. I'm gay, right? Her name is Namine, and yes, she was the one at the party. At first I had thought she and that pink haired male, who I later learned was named Marluxia, were dating but I guess I was wrong there since she had approached me and shyly asked me to date her to make Marluxia jealous and want to date her. It turns out that Axel and Demyx are both seniors at our high school and although I know Axel was still pissed at me he didn't seem to mind when Demyx wanted to hang out with me. Demyx and I turned out to be very close friends and we were meeting every Friday at the local café to talk about whatever we want. Today happens to be Friday so after dropping Namine off at her house in the new car my dad had bought me I was on my way to the café. Halfway there my phone buzzes, tickling my thigh and causing me to chuckle lightly.<p>

As I pull into the parking lot I slip my phone out of my pocket and glance at the message from Demyx, frowning slightly at the words.  
>"Rox! Runnin' late. Ax held me up. See u soon." – Demyx; received at 5:03pm<br>I shake my head lightly and step out of my sleek, black BMW, stuffing my keys into my pocket as I walk into the café and approach the counter. 'Axel never holds Dem up on Fridays… I wonder what's up?' I frown, order mine and Demyx's coffees, pay, and find a table for the two of us to sit at. At some point during the past two weeks I began wondering if Axel was ever going to forgive me for what I did… He seems like a very nice guy and I really wanted to get to know him better but with him shooting me glares every time we see each other I was too frightened to approach him again.

I sigh, my thoughts swarming with possible ways to apologize to the redhead. I'm so wrapped up in my head that I don't notice when Demyx sits down in front of me or how he snaps his fingers in front of my face to try and get my attention. "…xas? Roxas!" The voice startles me but manages to break me from my thoughts and make my eyes focus on the blonde in front of me. My face flushes from the embarrassment I feel and I wrap my hands around my coffee cup, refusing to look up at the smirking face across the table. "Sorry Dem." I say with a bored tone, not really meaning the words. I glance at the clock on the nearby wall, noticing how it reads '5:37'. Have I really been sitting here for thirty minutes? I bite my lip and turn my gaze to my friend who simply shrugs at me and takes a sip of his drink. "Axel and I broke up." He says bluntly, nearly making me choke on my coffee.

I raise my eyebrows and stare at my best friend with disbelief. "No way. You two were so close though…" My words fade and I frown, staring down at the table. 'Why do I feel so relieved from this news?' I shift in my seat and hesitantly let my eyes lift to lock with Demyx's sparkling ones. "Ax and I decided we're better off as friends. Both of us are completely head over heels in love with someone else. I just hope Ax will let go of his pride so he can tell the guy…" Demyx chuckles at his words, sparking my interest and making me lean forward slightly and lower my voice as I reply, "Oh? And who is it that he likes? What about you? Who do you like? I need details, Dem!" We sit there in silence, grinning at each other before we both burst into laughter, earning several strange looks from the café customers.

If we were in any other setting I probably would have acted differently to the news but since we are in a public setting I'm trying desperately to hide my excitement over the break up to avoid causing a scene. Finally Demyx finds it in himself to reply, "I think I'm going to ask Zexion out." He pauses, his mind clearly wandering away from the conversation. 'I knew they'd end up together.' I smile and playfully punch Demyx's arm to bring him back to reality. "And Axel says not to tell anyone about who he likes. But… he did say something about wanting to apologize to you…" Demyx rambles on, his words morphing into something along the lines of a subject of how to tell Zexion the news, but I've stopped listening. 'He wants to apologize to me? But I was the one that… I need to talk to him. Now.' I frown and stand up abruptly. I assume that I startled Demyx because his eyes snap up to take in my expression with worry but I throw up a small smile. "Hey, Dem, I really need to talk to Axel so do you know where I can find him right now?" I ask, my nervousness making my voice quiver and shake lightly. Demyx grins devilishly at me and tells me what I need to know.

So, here I am, sitting in my car at Axel's house in his driveway. Part of me wants to put my car in reverse and speed away while the other part wants to confidently express myself – something I've had a difficult time doing since I was released from the hospital after the wreck. Biting my lip, I pull my keys from the ignition and slowly rise out of my car. Demyx had told me Axel would be alone but that still wasn't settling my nerves or giving me any sense of closure as I stride up to the front door. "I can't believe I'm about to do this…" I mumble to myself as I quickly wrap my knuckles against the solid rectangle in front of me. 'Maybe I'll get lucky and he won't be here.' I smile at the thought and after several minutes of silence coming from the other side of the door I start to relax. But my heaven shatters as the sound of a lock sliding out of place fills the cool, crisp air and the door is pulled open to reveal a shocked Axel. "Roxas?" He asks, his voice filling my ears and sending a jolt through my veins. 'What was that?' I laugh nervously and half wave at the older male. "H-Hey… I've been meaning to do this for the past three months. Can you believe I've just now gotten the courage to face you?" I inform the redhead who's resorted to smirking at my obvious uneasiness.

Axel leans against the door frame for a moment, waiting for me to continue but when I can't bring myself to speak, he laughs and grabs my arm, pulling me into his warm house. "You looked like you were cold. Come on, I'll get you some hot chocolate. You can finish apologizing to me in the kitchen." And with that the male disappears into another room which I assumed was his kitchen. 'What is wrong with me? Why is Axel's voice making me act this way?' I run my fingers hastily through my blonde spikes before I step into the room the redhead had vanished into. "Ah… right." I mumble, sitting down at the table in the center of the room. I fumble through my thoughts, trying to collect myself as Axel sits down across from me and slide a glass to me. "I feel really bad about that night at the party and I was really out of line." I begin, keeping my eyes locked on the wooden surface of the table. Not looking at the male was making talking slightly easier. "And I feel partly responsible for you and Dem breaking up but I'd really like to try and be friends with you, Axel." I finish, lifting my ocean blue eyes to connect with the smoldering green eyes looking back at me. An awkward silence falls between us and I bite my lip again, looking back down at the drink Axel had made for me.

After what seemed like hours the silence is broken by Axel's sigh and reply, "What if I don't want to be friends with you?" At the words my heart skips a beat and seems to sink to the lowest part of my stomach. 'Did I really upset him that much?' I frown and part my lips to speak but before I can form the words Axel is talking again, "What if I want to be more than friends?" My eyes dart up, locking with the redhead's once more; this time shock filled mine and sincerity filled his. "W-What?" I whisper, unsure as to how to reply to what I was just told. Surely I couldn't like Axel in that way, right? Sure, I'm gay and judging from what I've heard around the school Axel is, too… but still, more? I frown, biting harshly on my lips at this point. 'I'm dating Namine… I can't even consider dating Axel. So, why am I feeling disappointed that Namine isn't Axel? Fuck.' I break the link between us by looking away. "You barely even know me and you want to be more than friends?" I ask, laughing sourly at the words. The redhead had to be crazy to want to date someone he barely knew, right? Axel only nods, smiling softly as if he had been expecting my reaction.

Without moving from his position it still feels like his smothering me. I'm panicking; how do I respond to this when I wasn't expecting it to begin with? My mind races back to the café and I mentally cringe. Did Demyx plan this with Axel? Is this revenge? Payback? I shift in my seat and quickly stand, shaking my head at Axel. "I don't know what game you're playing but I don't want to be a part of it, okay?" My voice is clear and it cuts through the kitchen like a knife but my words serve their purpose. Before I can register the movement, Axel is standing next to me, blocking my escape route. "Come on, Roxas. I know you're dating Namine but you told Demyx you were gay at the party so you can't really love her. It's just a show. Even right now you're feeling strangely about me and you know it." I take a step back, putting some distance between the offending male and myself. I knew he was right – I am gay so I don't really love Nami – but I just couldn't wrap my fingers around what he was trying to get at. I shake my head, completely in denial as I try to make sense of the situation. 'Do I want to be more than friends with Axel…?' I sigh in defeat and confidently raise my eyes to the redhead's once more and part my lips to answer the silent question of 'what now?'.


	3. Falling Trust

**A note from Kai** – I am so, so, so sorry you guys! I had lost all progress on this chapter so I ended up rewriting it because I forgot to save the original like an idiot. :sadface: Just thought I'd remind you all of the time-skips; After this chapter we'll be in the present! :D Also, this chapter is like… a bit longer than the other two; I really hope the length will make up for my extended absence- as well as the three page lemon I included. Also, I'm in the process of another AkuRoku in a completely different writing style so I'll have the first chapter up soon if you're interested.

If you guys have any questions about the time-skips or anything please ask~

**Pairings mentioned in some way or in this chapter** – Roxas and Namine; Marluxia and Namine; Pence and Olette; Demyx and Zexion; Axel and Roxas

**Disclaimer** – I do not own anything other than the idea, plot, and storyline for this fanfiction.

**Warnings** – Alcohol, malexmale sex, language, cutting, death, depression

**Previously**: _I sigh in defeat and confidently raise my eyes to the redhead's once more and part my lips to answer the silent question of 'what now?'_

I stare, my face a perfect mirror of the process of my emotions; stunned, skeptical, rage, then indifference. I send my response in a voice completely monotone, "You are one sick player." Now I'm moving, pushing my way past Axel forcefully and making a desperate beeline for the front door. Just as soon as my feet had reached my car, I'm turning and not the least bit surprised to find the redhead emerging from the house in an attempt to talk to me. "Roxas-" I cut him off, nearly screaming my harsh words, "I mean, really, what the hell? You dump Demyx and in the same day you're asking me out? What kind of sick, twisted person does that?" I make a noise, similar to a growl yet sounding near a groan, as I turn again, this time sliding into my car and slamming the door closed. I don't want anything to do with the male at this point. Any feelings I have- had- for him vanished when his words left his lips.

I plunk my car into reverse and zip out of Axel's driveway before the redhead can make it to the vehicle and stop me. Sure, I had gone there with the determination to spill my guts and lay my emotions for the male on the ground for him to either pick back up or stomp all over . . . but it seemed I wasn't going to have to do that for he had managed to crush the stunning illusion I once held close of him in less than five minutes. I reach over, turning the small silver knob that controlled the volume of my music all the way up, drowning myself in the beat of the bass to prevent the tears that threatened to spill over.

**-four months later-**

Graduation is tonight for my senior friends and Demyx asked me to come to his 'I-am-a-free-man' party so after watching all of them walk across the stage and get their diplomas I'm instantly driving to Dem's. I've done all I can to avoid that redhead since that Friday night four months ago when he proceeded to completely obliterate my spirit. I knew the moment I agreed to come that I would be placing myself in the predicament of having to face Axel; I only pray that I am completely wasted when it happens. I sigh, throwing my left leg out of my car before standing and closing the door with a nervous atmosphere surrounding me. A lot has happened in these past few months; I managed to get Nami and Marluxia together, Demyx and Zexion moved in with each other, and every Friday Dem has tried to convince me to talk to Axel. Okay, maybe that's not a lot but they are big events! This just means that I'm going into Demyx's party single . . . where there will be alcohol . . . and the object of my affection. I'm pretty screwed at this point, and I'm not going to deny that.

My teeth sink into my bottom lip as my feet begin to move on their own accord, dragging me to the entrance of the house where the music and intoxicating aroma seem to seep through the open front door. In my mind there's no turning back now so I waltz into the home trying to come across as if I don't have a care in the world, feigning excitement. Instantly, I'm greeted with a red plastic Solo cup filled to the brim with some type of alcohol and a grin from an already drunken Olette. Beside her stands Pence, a boy that's a little on the heavy side but has a near perfect personality, who jabs his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the one man I don't want to see. "Though you should know where so you can avoid him if you want . . ." He informs me with a half smile before dragging his girlfriend into another room. I shift my weight, gathering my bearings, then venture further into the house in the opposite direction Pence had pointed at.

Soon enough I find myself holding my near empty drink and walking up behind Demyx. My right arm snakes around the blonde's waste and I mumble my congratulations before removing the pale body part to pat Zexion's shoulder with a grin. I'm returned with a smile and rather loud thanks from the – obviously – drunk dishwater blonde and a huff from my usually silent friend. "I told him he was going to end up wasted." Zexion mumbles, shaking his head slightly despite his own grin plastered on his lips. I laugh, a free and easily faked action, as I gently brush by the male around my height to go get another drink. Although I can practically feel Axel's eyes on me as I walk and it makes me uncomfortable, I pretend as if I haven't noticed him.

After I've accomplished my mission of receiving another beverage a small blonde-Nami- steps in front of my body, not hesitating to embrace me and place a kiss on my cheek. "Talk to him, Roxas." She encourages, smiling as she reaches behind her, grabs another drink, places it into my empty hand, and returns to her boyfriend. I shift, knowing what she wanted me to do with the extra cup. With a defeated sigh I turn and head over to where Axel is standing with an empty shot glass in his hand. I have no doubt he's taking in my appearance as I walk; black skinny jeans, black and white checkerboard belt, formfitting blue shirt, several chains hanging from my hips and resting over my thighs, my normal vans and the normal amount of eyeliner. I don't doubt that action because I'm doing the same to him; his deep red shirt, dark blue boot cut jeans, black converse, and his own share of chains and eyeliner. Oh, and let's not forget the shiny rod in his left eyebrow—woah! Wait! When did this happen?

I give the redhead a look of amusement as I offer him the extra drink which he takes with a grin. By returning his grin he knows I'm not here to hurt him or yell at him again; a sign of peace. We stand there; him looking at my face as if trying to read me while I'm looking away, trying not to get caught up in his captivating green orbs like I had so many times before. When I finally muster the energy and courage to look up at him, he's turning and walking towards the front door with a hand gesture that I assume was meant to tell me to follow him. And so I do; I waste no time in setting my drink down on the nearest surface and striding after the retreating silhouette of Axel, ignoring the desperate cries of 'no' from my common sense.

When I make it to the front porch, he's smoking a cigarette and I'm half tempted to grumble something about him choking on it or getting cancer, but I don't. Instead I find myself leaning against the railing next to him and staring at my feet while I wait for him to break the silence. "Roxas . . ." He begins, his voice nearly knocking me off my feet with longing. "I never meant to hurt you or upset you if that's what I did you know. I just . . . I wanted you to know how I felt. I guess I handled it the wrong way, huh?" I swallow, suddenly wondering if I should go inside and grab another drink – something stronger than the shit I've been drinking. This was going to be an intense conversation and I could feel it. I remain silent, hoping he'd continue to speak and that I wouldn't have to do anything but stand here and listen. After a few moments of stillness between us I turn my head and lift my gaze to the breathtaking face of my not-so-hidden desire.

He's gazing at me, our eyes meeting in a hushed conversation of their own before I sigh and look away, knowing I need to speak. "You . . . inadvertently shattered me." I mumble, not knowing what else to say other than those words. I take a deep breath in and close my eyes as he speaks again, "Look, Rox, I'm an ass. Everyone knows that! It's virtually impossible for me to be nice to someone all the time. I'd go insane if I was expected to do that and you know it. I ended things with Demy because neither of us was happy. He wanted Zex and I wanted – hell, STILL want – you." I shift nervously; I really hadn't been expecting words like that to fall from Axel's lips. I turn to face Axel, a look of uncertainty marring my features as I hesitantly lean over and up, connecting our lips in a soft, barely there, kiss. We pull away, gazing into each others eyes for the second time that night but this time with soft smiles on both of our lips.

And then the alcohol kicks in and we're throwing ourselves at each other, Axel's cigarette long forgotten and burning away on the ground where it was dropped. Fingers wrap tightly around my waist as I eagerly tangle my own into the fiery mane belonging to my new obsession. My right hand slides, pressing against Axel's neck as I lean up on my toes and tilt my head to try and get closer to the redhead. Then we're moving and my back is being pressed against the siding of the house, a low groan slivering through Axel's parted lips as a moan releases from mine, heat rushing straight to my groin. Hands move from my waist and down to my pants, hastily unbuckling the checkerboard belt and going for the button on my jeans.

And suddenly my mind screams at me, ordering me to stop the redhead's movements; and so I do. I force my lips away from Axel's, turning my head to the side as my hands move to his chest and shove. Once there's some distance between us, I realize Axel's hands have stopped moving but are lingering at my waist. I also see how Axel's face is slightly flushed, his breathing is labored, and he's harboring an obvious errection from our actions. I frown sadly at the male, sure that I'm looking nearly the same as him, then speak, "I-I'm sorry, Axel . . . I just . . . too fast," Is all I can manage, looking away with a guilty expression. A huff of air falls from Axel's parted lips and I don't look up at him, I don't want him to be mad at me . . . I bite my lip, forcing back tears before I feel two fingers slide under my chin and lift my face to connect our lips. Axel smiles at me, an understanding glint in his eyes.

"How about this then; will you be my boyfriend? And we'll take it slow. If there's one thing I won't do its force you into something you aren't ready for." And with that a smile overtakes my features and I nod with a light returning to my eyes.

**-Two years later-**

Here I am, lounging on the couch in my boyfriend's apartment, waiting for him to get out of his college class. The years haven't really changed us all that much other than the fact that neither of us really dresses like we used to in high school. Axel and I, although having been together for two years now, have yet to have sex. It's not because I'm not ready . . . there's just never the time anymore. We see each other twice a day for a few mere minutes during the school week – in between my classes and his – and then he's normally working on weekends. I don't necessarily mind it all that much . . . but I'm also not oblivious to the sexual tension that takes place between us when we're together. Thankfully, tonight is a Friday night and Axel doesn't have to be into work until late Saturday morning. I'm staying the night with him and maybe tonight will finally be the night we can take our relationship to the next level.

I smile when the door opens and Axel's face comes into view. It's obvious he's already eaten dinner but that's fine because I hardly ever eat that meal anyway. I'm always trying to give us more time together. We lock eyes and something, like an unspoken agreement, sparks between us and suddenly his lips have descended upon mine and I'm being gently lowered onto my back on the couch. A warm tongue gently slides along the seam of my lips, causing them to part and the wet muscle to dart in. I shiver at the sensation of our tongues melding together; his dominating mine after a quick and playful struggle. My hands snake around the neck of the man above me, dragging him closer to my body. I love moments like this between us; where no words have to be spoken to show how much we care for each other. I whimper as lips move from mine to press against the smooth skin on my neck. As much as I love having Axel's lips ravishing mine I know there are other things he's able to do with them.

My head falls to the side, giving the redhead more access to the skin there, a moan dancing from my tongue as teeth gently scrape against my collarbone. "Roxas," The heated voice begins, "I want you." And those words said low and huskily in my ear send a shiver down my spine and all I can do is nod and allow myself to be lifted and taken to the bedroom.

My back collides with the mattress, the breath being knocked from me at the sheer force of the impact. I don't mind though; I know both of us are desperate for this. My eyes rake over Axel's body before settling on watching his hands remove and toss off the button down shirt he had been wearing. I love his body . . . everything about it seems simply perfect and despite the skinniness the redhead has amazingly ripped muscles that grace his body.

Then he's moving, climbing onto the bed and creeping over to where I lay with that typical smirk of his planted on his lips. I huff, determined to make his smugness vanish, and tug the man down into a heated kiss. Tongues dart out to meet the other as pleasured and contented noises fill the air. The feeling of Axel's hands sliding up my V-neck t-shirt and resting on my stomach is blissful, rocking my body with involuntary shivers and making me have the sudden feeling – need – to be closer to my lover. With that in mind I spread my legs, allowing Axel's body to rest in between them, and snake my hands into his hair as I push my own tongue into Axel's mouth, determined to taste all I can of my boyfriend.

I break away from Axel's sinful mouth in an attempt to catch my breath and steady my pounding heart as lips attach themselves to my neck. I sharply take in a breath of air as teeth gently graze my skin, my face flushing deeply at the action. Then suddenly, the hand lying leisurely on my stomach is moving, brushing sensually against my nipple and making me cry out with shocked pleasure. At the same time a soft chuckle raises from deep within Axel, turning my face a deeper shade of red. I had thought that my body was warm before but now… now it feels as if I am on fire and I want more of it. Everything about this seems absolutely perfect and I find myself easily becoming entranced with the feelings, emotions, and the male above me. The only thing that could possibly make this moment any better is if it never ended.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts at the feeling of fabric sliding across my skin and something warm and wet moving over my stiff nipple, drawing a moan from my lips. My eyes, hooded by eyelashes, search for the source of such pleasure and I groan again when I see Axel's tongue working wonders on my chest. Part of my mind begins to silently beg the redhead to use his devilish tongue on another part of my body but I'm instantly tossed back into the depths of pleasure without thought when Axel's hand slides to tweak my ignored nipple.

I arch my back, both of us gasping when my action presses our clothed arousals together. My body aches with the want for release, causing me to finally speak up in a breathy voice, "A-Axel… please, more… I can't take this anymore…" It's not until after the words have left my mouth that I realize exactly how dangerously close we both are to our releases. I huff and tug on Axel's hair, pulling the male away from my chest to glare playfully into his eyes. Axel smirks in return before he nods and slides his hands back down over my stomach and making quick work of the pants I still wore. There's a soft thud as the jeans are thrown over Axel's shoulder, landing somewhere on the bedroom floor; my boxers joining them shortly after. An almost instant redness consumes my cheeks causing me to look away from the male hovering above me. It wasn't as if we hadn't seen each other nude before . . . it was just something about the intimacy of this situation that was making me suddenly really nervous and shy.

"Roxas." His voice echoes throughout the room, drawing my eyes to its source. When had Axel taken off his pants? And when had his lips gotten so close to mine . . .? As if sensing my scattered thoughts Axel learns down and presses his lips to mine eagerly before pulling away and pressing three of his fingers to my lips with an apologetic smile. "I left the lube I bought for us in the car . . . I'm sorry, Rox." He mumbles, eliciting a chuckle from me just before I suck all three fingers into my mouth, wrapping and snaking my tongue around the digits with a soft moan of forgiveness. Our eyes remain locked as I continue to ravish my lover's fingers, showing him exactly what I would be doing if I had something . . . other . . . than his fingers in my mouth. I shiver as I watch Axel's green eyes darken with lust then pull his fingers out of my mouth saying, "Shit, Roxas . . ."

My left leg is tossed carelessly over Axel's shoulder as he presses is pointer finger into my entrance, making me hiss with pain and try to wiggle away. A small, soft apology leaves Axel's lips as he leans forward, pressing his lips to mine once again to try and distract me from the uncomfortable feeling. I groan softly as a second finger joins the first, the strange feeling being easily replaced with the pleasure from Axel's tongue intertwining with mine; so much so that I don't even notice the third feeling being added. That is, until he pulls them out. I find myself whimpering and arching, trying to bring those fingers back into my body which earns me a genuine laugh from the redhead. "Do you want me to make you cum just from these?" He asks, pressing his fingers back against my entrance teasingly. "Or do you want all of me?" He grins, resting his fingers on my waist, and presses the head of his member into my body causing me to moan in an embarrassing needy manner and rock my hips toward him, unable to verbally answer him.

Axel lets out a heavy breath as he continues to push into my body until he is fully embedded inside of me and I'm clawing desperately at his shoulders, more than likely drawing blood from the pale skin. "Nngh . . . Axel . . ." I moan as I'm pushing my hips up in an attempt to get him to move. And when he does I cry out with a passion even I didn't know I had. This feeling of being filled to the rim by the one that has captured my heart without exceptions or limitations . . . it's more amazing than I could have ever possibly imagined. My eyes, which had fallen closed at some point during Axel's entrance, slide open and gaze lovingly into the pair of green ones above me. My gaze is returned with a look filled with the same- if not more- love than I had given him.

I silently plead with the redhead to move faster and he somehow hears me and complies to my request, hitting something inside of me that happens to make my vision blur slightly and my body spasm with pleasure beyond anything I had ever experienced. I'm left gasping and pulling Axel down for an eager kiss yet again, practically forcing my tongue into his mouth all while moaning nearly uncontrollably. "A-Again, Ax . . ." He mumbles, lifting his hips to meet his lover's causing the male to slide deeper into my body and hit that oh-so-sweet spot again.

Without warning I gasp and release my load onto my stomach and Axel's abdomen, tightening around Axel's member; the action making my lover release into my body as well. We stay in that position, me sprawled out on the bed with Axel still buried deep inside of me while supporting his body above me, both trying to catch our breath and never looking away from each other. "That was a lot more intense than I thought it'd be." Axel admits with a soft chuckle, slowly pulling out of my body and frowning as I wince at the sensation. I sigh as he collapses next to me and pulls me close to his body, pressing light kisses to my forehead. "I love you so much, Rox . . . Don't you ever forget that- no matter what happens." He whispers, a hint of sadness in his tone. As a result I push myself up onto my elbows to gaze into green orbs searchingly. "I love you, too, Axel." I reply in a soft voice, choosing not to question the male about his tone. I press my face to the crook of his neck and slowly allow myself to fall into a deep sleep, completely exhausted from the previous events.

The next morning my eyes slip open and I'm instantly hypersensitive to how the bed is empty other than myself and how I'm now dressed in boxers and sweat pants. I sit up, glancing around the room for the alarm clock that was normally on the nightstand, frowning when I notice it isn't there. Did I oversleep? I huff and notice my phone where the clock used to be, picking it up to look at the time. No . . . It was still too early in the morning for Axel to be at work, so where was he? I groan as I throw my legs over the side of the bed, pain shooting up my backside. "Axel?" I call out, hoping he'd answer me and I wouldn't have to get up to look for him. But it seems luck isn't on my side this morning so I push myself to my feet and limp slightly into the living room where I notice a note on the coffee table.

Even before I reach the note I know things are bad; I know I'm going to be upset; but what I don't know at the time is that the note is going to shatter my world completely. Call it instinct but I really don't want to read what's written on the small slip of paper. Even so, my shaking fingers reach out and lift the white paper to read the black ink scribbled onto it.

_Roxas,_

_I am so sorry about this but I'm leaving. It's not that I don't love you . . . and I'm sure this looks bad especially after last night . . . but I'm going to Destiny Islands to further my education. I've changed my phone number, so please don't call. Don't try to find me either. This is something I need to do on my own without you anywhere near me._

_-Axel_

_P.S. I won't be back._

I drop the note and fall to my knees, tears already streaking my face. The love of my life had left me and basically told me that I need to move on. Was it because of how I acted? Because we waited two years to have sex? Did I make him unhappy? I sob into my hands for several moments before I rush to the bathroom and pull out a razor, quickly snapping the blade from the plastic frame. It had been years since I had felt the urge to do something as drastic as this . . . Axel had been the one to stop my cutting streak before but now that he was- I choke, tears blurring my vision as I slide the blade across my wrist, barely feeling the pain at all. So, I do it again; deeper and longer. I gaze at the blood as it slides over my skin before I whimper and pull my phone out, quickly pressing and holding the number '2' to activate the speed-dial to my dad's phone.

As the phone rings I'm moving around, finding a towel and pressing it to my wrist to slow the breathing. "Roxas?" A gruff voice answers in a low tone, worry clearly lacing his word. In case you were wondering, I haven't talked to my dad in about a year when he told me he didn't want me going to college for art but for business so I could take over the family business I didn't know we had. "D-Dad . . . I'm in no position to drive. C-Could you c-c-come get me?" I ask, stuttering over my words without attempting to hide the pain in my voice. There's a pause before a soft sigh is heard. "I'm on my way, Rox." My dad hangs up and I huff before I slide my phone back into my pocket and search frantically for the first aid kit knowing I was going to need it if I wanted to stop the bleeding in my wrist.

**-six months later-**

My dad died two days ago. His funeral is today and I take over the company tomorrow. When I moved back in with my dad after . . . he paid for me to do a rush program at the local college. I had my business degree in just over four months and had begun to follow my dad through the company, learning the tricks of the trade. It still amazed me that my family was in charge of a very successful record company and it was so interesting to get to work with some famous bands around the local area- and in other areas of the world as well. We were on our way to the office, me following dad's car in my own, when a tractor trailer hit him in an intersection. He died instantly or so I was told. _'Just like mom . . .'_ I think grimly, watching as my father's casket is lowed into the ground.

I feel hands touch my shoulders and voices trying to reach me, but I simply stare blankly at the tombstone, knowing that they're words would be meaningless to me at this point. When I'm finally able to pull my eyes away from my father's grave I notice that I've been left alone in the graveyard. Lightning flashes through the darkened sky followed by a long and low blast of thunder. I shift, the wind blowing my suit jacket and spiked hair back with its force. I take a deep breath as the rain begins to crash to the ground, soaking the grass in mere seconds. I was going to have to change my bandages on my wrists when I return home . . .

I step forward towards where my father's body would be for the rest of . . . forever. Three years. It had been three years since my mother died and now here I was standing alone at my father's grave in the rain with a tear stained face. My entire life had been flipped upside down and turned into ruins like broken glass. Everything was gone; they were gone and he had left me. My darling Axel . . .


	4. Unwanted Returns

**A note from Kai:** For those of you who actually read these notes of mine… Life got the better of me. There were a few deaths in the family, struggles with college, and w few other things that have prevented me from being active here . Also, you have to understand that writing in this point of view with present tense is very difficult for me. I'm more of a third person past tense kind of gal. Reviews are always nice. Just saying. c:

**Pairings mentioned someway in this chapter:** Axel x Roxas

**Warnings for this chapter:** Emotional Roxas, malexmale love.

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><p>I let out a breath of air, closing my eyes as I lean further back into the leather computer chair I was seated in. My father's funeral had been two weeks ago and I hadn't wasted any time jumping right in and getting to work. People keep telling me I should wait but I just can't do that… If I wait I'll think of him again. I have to keep my mind busy or I won't be able to handle anything that is thrown at me these next few weeks. I yawn softly and drum my fingers against the wooden desk that had once been my father's. I hadn't slept well last night and was feeling the effects this morning. There is a knock at the door that causes me to slide my eyes open and gaze blankly across the room. "Yes?" I ask in a confident voice, waiting for whoever was disturbing me to make an appearance. Almost instantly the door is thrown open and a familiar blonde comes bounding into the room. "Hey, Roxas," the blonde begins with a huge grin spread across his lips, "I heard you were in charge now. I'm so proud of you~" He coos, waltzing around my desk and pulling me into a tight hug. My mind reels with memories as I stutter out, "D-Demyx? You're crushing me!"<p>

His arms unwrap from around me and his expression quickly becomes serious. "Roxas, do you think you could take your lunch break now? I wanted to talk to you about some things." I hesitate, not really wanting to be alone with Demyx because of the memories that involved him. After a few beats of silence, I sigh in defeat and nod my head. "Sure thing, Dem." I smile slightly, an obviously forced action, before grabbing the jacket to my suit and walking out of the room with Demyx. In the back of my mind, I'm dully noting how I don't look great in a suit and that I feel like I'm being choked by the evil tie I'm having to wear. I'm sure Demyx finds it amusing since he keeps glancing over at me and giggling like an idiot. Silently, we both agree to take my car to the coffee shop we used to meet at back in high school. Once seated behind the steering wheel, I toss my jacket over my shoulder into the back seat and take it upon myself to loosen the tie, unbutton the top two buttons of my shirt, and push my sleeves up to my elbows. Maybe I should take the rest of the day off and go relax at home for once… I smile at the thought.

Demyx waits until we're almost at the coffee shop to speak, "Axel called me." My hands tighten around the steering wheel at his name and the color drains quickly from my face. I should have known this is what he was going to want to talk about. I reply with a tense voice, "I don't really care, Demyx. Axel has been out of my life for a while now. Let's keep it that way." I toss a glare towards the blonde male before pulling into a parking space and pulling my keys out of the ignition of the car. I'm out of the car and walking towards the door before another word can be spoken about the redhead. A few moments later, Demyx is by my side and opening the door for me. "Sorry.." He whispers lowly, making me strain to hear his words. I don't reply and instead order our usual coffees, going to sit across from the usually hyper-active male. I slide his coffee to him and silently take in a deep breath.

We sit there in silence for quite a long time before he finally places his coffee on the table and looks at me with a stern expression. "Look, Roxas, I know you don't want to hear anything about Axel but you're going to sit there, keep your mouth shut, and listen to what I have to say." My eyes widen at Demyx's tone, my lips parting as if to say something but in all reality I'm too stunned to come up with a reply. I have never heard Demyx talk to me this way. I slowly set my coffee back down on the table and gaze at the smooth surface, waiting for him to begin. I have the feeling that this conversation was going to ruin me for a while again. I can already feel the numbness that had been cradling my mind starting to dissolve. Demyx leans back in his chair and lets out a heavy sight before he starts up the speech he's probably spent hours preparing, "Axel called me three days ago… He told me he had heard about your dad and wanted to know how you were holding up. I told him you were pretty beaten up about it since… you know… it happened right in front of you and all…" He does not pause even when I wince visibly. I want him to shut up and stop talking. "He was silent for a while before he asked me how you took him leaving… I answered him honestly, Roxas. I told him about the cuts that very near killed you. Anyway, he sounded upset to hear that you were struggling and all so he said he was coming home. He'll be here tonight."

My eyes widen and my head snaps up quickly. Axel is coming home? As in here? Now? My breathing picks up and my face grows pale as a sweep of nausea washes over me. I don't think I can see him now… not after everything that's happened. I look up at Demyx with fearful eyes, only to be met with a sad expression from the other. "I am sorry, Rox... I tried to talk him out of it." I slide my hand over my face as a wave of undesired emotions tug me in all directions. I can't deal with this… it's too much… I groan softly before my vision goes black and my body crumbles to the floor. The last thing I hear is Dem's panicked voice calling my name.

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><p>When I come to I'm in a white room with Demyx by my side with a worried expression. "Roxas? Oh my god, are you alright now?" He asks quickly, jumping up from the seat he had been in to help me sit up. I grunt lightly, my head feeling light and my vision slightly disoriented. "What happened?" I ask softly, pressing my right hand to my forehead and closing my eyes to stop the room from spinning. Demyx hesitates before replying, "You passed out after hearing the news… so I brought you to the hospital. They said you could go home as soon as you woke up." I open my eyes and stare at the edge of the bed with distant eyes. "The news… oh yeah… Axel." I bite my bottom lip and throw my legs over the side of the bed. "I just want to go home. Want me to drop you at the office so you can get your car?" I ask, standing up and running my fingers through my spiky hair. I glance over at Demyx when I don't get an answer, raising an eyebrow curiously at the guilty expression on his face.<p>

Demyx looks down at the ground, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously. "Axel's here… He's going to take you home. You're not allowed to drive for a while." I turn on my heel, glaring at the male with my entire being. "What the hell, Demyx!? Why can't you take me home?!" I growl, making Demyx take a step back at the anger in my voice. I'm so upset that I'm ready to beat Demyx to a bloody pulp, but I control myself. "I'm sorry, Roxas! He got in town a little while ago and asked where I was… He's worried…" I shake my head and walk out of the room, planning on just walking home since that would be easier than being stuck in a car with the jackass that ripped my heart out of my chest, shredded it, and returned it to me without a care in the world. As I'm reaching the elevators, I'm met with emerald eyes that instantly turn my world upside down for the third time. I gaze at the male, my eyes wide and filled with tears that I will not let fall. "Axel…" I whisper softly, not believing that he was standing right in front of me looking just as good as he had when he left.

Axel smiles lightly at me, motioning for me to follow him onto the elevator. I hesitate before letting out a soft sigh and walking to stand on the opposite side of the small space from the redhead. I keep my eyes downcast, not wanting to look at the male. "You're taking me home and then leaving." I state stubbornly, trying not to leave any room for argument. Axel chuckles softly before he replies in his usual cocky tone, "You haven't changed a bit, have you? The doctors said you had to have someone take care of you tonight. That'd be me." I ball my hands into fists, trying not to give him the satisfaction of a reply. Instead I waltz out of the elevator as soon as the doors open and wait for the male to lead me to his car since obviously Demyx was taking mine. Axel starts the car as soon as we are both seated and he turns to me with an unreadable expression. "Where do you live now?" I look out the window to avoid his gaze. "I haven't moved, Axel. Surely you still remember how to get to the apartment?" He chuckles lightly at my response. The rest of the ride is silent until we've reached our old apartment and are walking up a flight of stairs to get to the second floor where my home is located. At the door I hesitate, fumbling with the keys to unlock the door since my head is still slightly foggy.

Axel sighs softly, taking the keys from my hands and sliding them smoothly into the locked apartment door. My lips purse together and I nod my head in slight approval before I walk into the apartment with a sigh of my own. When I hear Axel following me in, I quickly turn on my heel and glare at the male. "Oh hell no. You've gotten me home and that's all you're doing. Go away, Axel." I say in a harsh tone, wanting nothing more than to put some distance between us. I just want to go crawl into bed and sob for a while. I want to stop being in love with this redheaded bastard that had used me, broken me, and left me. Axel shakes his head silently, walking farther into the apartment and closing the door behind him. "Just shut up, Rox… You need rest and I was asked to watch after you. It's just for a night and then you can get rid of me." He makes a noise keen to a grunt as he slides his shoes off and shrugs his jacket off of his shoulders. At the same moment, my vision goes black and I have to lean against the wall to steady my swaying body. I am so emotionally overcome… I should have known this would happen sooner or later.

Axel, noticing my distress and actions, walks over and flings me up into his arms. He holds me delicately against his chest and by the time my vision returns, I don't have the energy to argue with him. "This is why I'm taking care of you, Rox." He whispers in a soft voice, laced with emotions that I can't decipher. I groan lightly and try to struggle out of the male's arms. "Damn it, Axel, I can walk on my own." I say sharply, pushing against the male's chest only to have his arms tighten around my body to keep me still. A moment later I'm being dropped unceremoniously to my bed, grunting as the breath is knocked out of me. I look up only to be met with fury filled emerald eyes. "What the hell is your problem with me, Roxas? I'm just trying to help you." My eyes widen at his words before I glare and jump to my feet. "What's my problem? What the fuck is your problem? You fucking left me, Axel! You slept with me and left me. I was nothing but a goddamn booty call for you, you fucking jackass! You convinced me that you were in love with me! I should have known better. I knew you were a player. I knew you were an ass. I just never expected you to be this fucking cold hearted. Get the fuck out of my apartment, Axel, and don't you dare come back." Axel's eyes are downcast and filled with guilt at my words before he turns to walk out of the room. "I'm sorry, Roxas." He whispers before closing the bedroom door. I know he won't be leaving. I know he will be camping out in my living room and probably snooping through some of my things. I know that and yet I don't seem to care anymore. I throw myself back onto my bed, pressing my face against one of the pillows as wave after wave of emotion cascade through me. Tears fall from my eyes, easily soaking my pillow and staining my face. I whimper softly, trying to quiet my uncontrollable sobs.

Eventually, I manage to calm myself into light sniffles and hiccups and I find myself curled into a tight ball on top of the comforter on my bed. It is cold and I'm shivering but I don't care… I feel numb and broken. I'm so out of it that I don't notice the sound of the bedroom door opening or footsteps approaching the bed. It's only when I feel the bed dip down with the weight of another body do I slam my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep in hopes of not having to talk to the other male. He seems to believe it because Axel's fingers gently brush across my forehead to push my bangs out of my face. I struggle to keep from sobbing again or revealing that I'm actually conscious. I can hear Axel sigh heavily and feel him shift his weight on the bed so he's closer to my body. "I'm so sorry, Rox…" He whispers in a near broken tone as I force myself not to react. After a moment he continues, "I didn't mean to hurt you, Roxas… I had been planning on telling you that night but I just… after we… I didn't want to see you cry." Axel shifts again, probably biting his lip like he used to do when he got upset. "I wanted to take you with me, Roxas, but I didn't want to take you away from everything you had here. I love you so much, Roxas… you were never a 'booty call' to me. You've always been my everything."

I finally break, sliding my eyes open to gaze up at the male. "Do you mean that?" I ask softly, watching as he jumps with surprise. He obviously hadn't known I was awake and listening which means that he was being truthful with me. Axel searches my face, trying to read my expression before he looks away. "Yeah. All of it is true." He mumbles before moving to climb off the bed to leave me alone. I won't let him though and quickly grab his arm, holding him in place. I keep my eyes on him as I attempt to study the emotions in his eyes. I am having a very big debate in my head and I'm sure that much is obvious to the redhead. Part of me wants to pull him against me, kiss him hard and just forget about everything that had happened. Another part of me wanted to push him away, scream at him a little, and kick him out because of what he had done.

Seeming to see my conflicting emotions, Axel takes a chance and leans over to press his lips against mine softly. I tense up as our lips meet, trying to fight back the emotions rising to the surface quickly. I'm torn between returning the kiss being given to me and reacting violently. In all honesty, I don't like how easy it seemed to be for me to break and fall for this man again. I don't like how easily he makes me melt at his touches and words. I don't like how things are now. I gently let my hands press against Axel's chest and push the male away enough so I can talk. "I can't forgive you this easily." He gazes down at me with that all-knowing look of his before he sighs and pulls away from me, climbing off of the bed and smiling slightly. "I understand, Rox. I'll just have to win you back the old fashioned way, huh?" Axel laughs softly and holds his hand out to me, making me blink a few times with confusion. "You must be hungry. I'll make something so come on." I smile brightly and let my hand reach out and be taken by Axel's larger one, letting out an almost girlish squeal as I'm pulled to my feet in a quick motion. I know I'm far from being healed and from forgiving this redhead for all of the pain he has put me through… but I know I'm on my way there.

* * *

><p>My eyes open at the feeling of warm skin pressing against my own. I'm confused as I sit up and look around, my ocean eyes falling on the sleeping redhead beside me. What catches my attention the most though… is that we are both nude, my lower back hurts, and that the smell of sex and alcohol is lingering in the room. I rack my brain, trying to figure out how we got into this position and coming up with nothing but the memory of the taste of alcohol. I bite my bottom lip and pull my knees to my chest, hating myself for whatever happened between us and hoping that Axel will remember everything. So much for not forgiving the bastard. A light groan passes Axel's lips as the skinny male rolls and nearly falls off the bed, making him instantly awake and alert to the things happening around him. His emerald eyes fall upon my face and then my body, a frown gracing his lips and his brows furrowing. Axel sits up and reaches out to touch my face, frowning when I turn away from the male to avoid his touch.<p>

Axel sighs and repositions himself so he's sitting Indian style on my bed and looking at the thin sheet that had been covering his body. "I'm… sorry." He whispers lowly to me. Those words are enough to make me break and begin crying. I hate myself for being so weak and emotional. I hate myself for loving Axel. Without saying a word I stand up, slide on a pair of sweat pants and a black t-shirt, and walk out of the room. I move to go sit on the balcony of my apartment, curling up on one of the lounge chairs. I don't know what has gotten into me recently. Axel shows up and I'm suddenly back to the way I was before and wanting to be held by the male again. "This is all your fault." I mumble to myself and the wind before closing my eyes and pursing my lips as emotions crash over me once more. I have decided that after this I will revert to my numb self and pretend like Axel isn't anywhere near me. This is the last time I will allow myself to feel love for the male.


End file.
